Chapter 4

A recent college grad, Jerry slouched in his chair at the dining room table beside his dad. With degree in hand – He did get into Oberlin, courtesy of his dad. Jerry didn’t ask. – he had no idea what to do with the rest of his life.

“Say, isn’t this your friend, Adam?” His dad slid the newspaper across the breakfast table.

Man Dies After Tanglewood Concert

LENOX A man was found dead near Tanglewood shortly after the conclusion of The Fillmore at Tanglewood Concert. The young man, identified as Adam Goldberg, was found in a farm field off a single lane road. Police determined there was no foul play. “He fell or jumped off the back of a fast-moving pick-up truck. Allegedly, drugs were involved. If anyone can provide us with additional information, we’d appreciate a call. We’re sorry to see a young man lose his life so early,” said Lenox police chief Dan White.  A recent graduate of Bard College, Mr. Goldberg was currently a student at New York University pursuing a master’s degree in film directing. He is survived by his parents, Sydney and Harriet Goldberg, his sister, Katherine and brother, Thomas.

“I’m sorry,” said his dad.

“I’m taking a walk.”

Jerry sped past familiar homes without seeing a thing. He headed over to Hudson Avenue, a street in the neighboring town of Englewood and walked into a childhood favorite store, Ed’s Candy Pit. Ed with his protuberant belly was still there. Jerry always wondered how he got behind the narrow counter. He asked for a pack of cigarettes.

Ed handed them over. Jerry paid and left.

He unwrapped the cellophane off the packet, tore off the tab of the aluminum foil cover, and tapped out a cigarette. Tearing a match out of the matchbook, his hand trembled as it failed to light the match. He tore out another one, then another, then another, then dropped to the curb and wept. 

Not even lighting a damn cigarette had been easy. Why hadn’t he seen that?

Guiding a lit match to the end of the cigarette, he finally achieved success. He pulled on it and marched on. The smoke burned his lungs. His throat felt sore.

Nope, nothing was easy. Not even for Adam. And why indeed try so hard? We’re all going to die anyway, Jerry thought. Maybe Adam was onto something. Why bother? 

Maybe Adam might have done Jerry a favor when he faked pushed him over the rooftop. If Adam couldn’t find a reason to keep going, why would Jerry ever. Adam was always five steps ahead of him. 

Jerry stopped his march and looked up. He stood in front of Rog and Barb’s old house. A tingly feeling spread over him. He craved what had been inside that house. Life was easier then, not because the tasks were easier, they weren’t, and not because there weren’t setbacks, there were, but something was in there that made it all easier. 

He stubbed out his cigarette. 

So long, Adam. I’m not going your way.