Chapter 12

Jerry answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“This is Rev. Peter McCracken, chairman of the Candidate’s Committee. Jerry Cradleman?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my goodness, I remember when you were just a little boy and your father brought you to one of our Chamber meetings. Jerry, Jerry, how are you?”

“Fine.” His hands tingled. 

“I’m going to be down in Princeton on Friday and need to visit with you. How about we set a time to meet at Speer Library. Would one o’clock be convenient to you?”

“Fine.”

“All right, sir, we’ll see you then. You have a fine day.” 

This was it. Jerry was about to be fired before he even got hired.

Meanwhile, it was like his senior year in high school all over again. Only instead of his friends hustling to find a college, it was to find a church. It wasn’t easy either. The total number of Presbyterians, as with all other protestant denominations, had been shrinking for years. Fewer and fewer churches could support a full time minister. Some churches were hiring husband and wife teams as kind of a two for one; others were pooling their funds together to share one minister. The jobs were few; the qualified candidates were many. 

***

Jerry plodded up the stairs to Speer Library. He pushed through the double doors. A musty odor assaulted his olfactory nerves. Stairs loomed ahead inviting lost souls into its myriad stacks. 

As much as Jerry cherished books, the feel of them, the turn of the page, the different fonts, the smell, and as much as he loved libraries, safe, cozy, quiet, he found this one and its books as remote as a suburban mother on valium.

Jerry entered the conference room upstairs where Rev. McCracken waited. He was the quintessential everyman, replete with round tortoise shell glasses and a loose fitting suit of indeterminate color, not gray, not brown, something that belonged in an Eastern European department store. Standing, he smiled and extended a soft handshake.

“Sit down, Jerry. Tell me how it’s going,” he said with enthusiasm.

“Very well. I mean the classes are hard, but I’m getting through them.” 

“Is the campus life going OK?”

“What do you mean?” Caution flags shot up in Jerry’s mind. Had he heard about the McCord incident?

“Well, socializing, do you have friends here? A girl friend perhaps?”

“Oh, no, I mean, yes, everything’s going fine. No, no girlfriends currently. You know of someone?”

He laughed. “No.

“Well, Jerry, you probably know why I’m here. We got the report from the career counseling agency. Let me first explain how we weigh these…”

“Sir, before you go any further, tests aren’t the end all in determining competency, see, let’s see, uh…” Where was he going? Jerry didn’t know. “Moses pulled off a miraculous negotiation yet any tests would have rejected him for that position. Doesn’t have the aptitude; stutters. That’s kind of a joke, sir. Get it? Here’s another one. David brought the Jewish tribe to its greatest glory, yet would have been rejected by tests. No military experience; just a shepherd. Even Jesus would’ve been rejected by the Multi-phasic Messiah tests. Not a military leader; not seeking conquest. So, who cares what the tests say?”

 “Nice try. It’s out of my hands, Jerry. Presbytery policy,” said Rev. McCracken.

“Policy, that’s my point. Even though I was having a hard time finding it. Not that I have a Jesus complex, but really, what tolerance did Jesus have for policy? What did he say standing in the cornfield on the Sabbath? The Sabbath was made for man, not the other way around. If I’ve learned anything here it’s that God’s way is not the corporate way. He’s not ‘This is how we do it here or ‘Presbytery policy.’ He’s about faith. Faith in the unseen; faith in the unproven. That’s me. Have a little faith in me. That’s all I’m asking.”

Rev. McCracken stood up and moved to the window. “You know, Jerry,” he said as he gazed out at the gray day, “when I was a young man I wanted to be an actor. I was just so satisfied on stage. It felt like home. There was nowhere else I’d rather be. 

“But my parents, who both were ministers, had different plans. They decreed I should get a liberal arts education and then go to seminary. That would be a meaningful life. There was no future in acting. I considered rebelling. Believe me, I was so close. But in the end, I did what they said. 

“I’ve had a great career, but I gotta tell you, there’s still a piece of me that’s sad about that. And even if I hadn’t been successful as an actor, perhaps that’s not the point.”

“So, I have your support?”

“No. And yes. As a representative of your Presbytery, I am telling you this is the end of the road for our sponsorship. However as an individual, if ministry is in your heart, is your truth, then don’t let this setback stop you. Keep going. Find another way.”