“Today,” said John to the assembled group, “we are going to have an unusual chat.
“There are many voices within you, no? Well, today speak with your evil one.
“Most of us learn how to resist its demands. But think hard and you can probably remember a time when you succumbed.
“Disperse into the woods, choose a spot where you can be alone. Imagine the evil part of you outside yourself and have a conversation. We’ll take a half hour.”
Jerry broke into a sweat as he hiked off trail. He found a clearing amidst the trees with a flat boulder that he could sit on. No one else was around.
He situated his evil side on another rock about ten feet in from of him and tried to imagine what he looked like.
“What are you doing here?” Jerry asked.
It was Thomas! His salt and pepper beard was much longer. His disheveled hair would snap a comb. And he had lost weight.
“I’m your evil self,” he said matter of factly.
His eyes burned; his voice grew cold. “I hate niggers; I hate kikes. Kill them. Women are bitches. Fuck ‘em and leave ‘em.”
“OK. You’re scaring me.”
“Hey, Jerry. What did Hitler say to Eichmann when he paid him a visit?”
“Don’t care.”
“If I’d known you were coming, I would have baked you a kike.
“You’re disgusting.”
“I’m you! There’s evil in everyone. You. Your father.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Things are not what they seem. Keep your eyes and ears open, Jerry.”
The distant bell rang out. Thomas’ eyes pinned Jerry to his spot.
“Don’t go back,” said Thomas.
“Now wait a minute.”
“Oh, yeah, you must. It’s the right thing to do,” he said with a sneer.
“They’ll worry about me.”
“You’re not that important.”
“I don’t want to be a problem.”
“Eat from the opposite side of the basket.”
Touché. This guy was starting to make sense. He’d always tried to please his elders and superiors. What about that time when he blew off the hunger meeting. That was one of the happiest times in his life. Why not see where this goes? Jerry stayed put.
“Well, thank you so much,” Thomas said, dripping with sarcasm. “How does that feel?”
“I’m a little nauseous, a little spacey.”
“On the way to finding God, you might lose those who are dearest.”
“You don’t make much sense.”
“One more thing.”
“Yes?”
“Read Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov, chapter five.”
And with that, he was gone.
Jerry hurried back to the lodge. Dinner was underway.
“I am so sorry,” he said to Sheila.
“Are you all right?”
“I fell under the sway of my evil voice.”
She smiled and glided off.
He slid next to April with his dinner.
“Where were you?” she asked.
“I got delayed.”
“Missed your plane?”
“I could explain it better over a drink tonight.”
“Look,” she turned and faced him. “This is not a pick up bar. We’re doing serious work here, and I’m getting a strong come-on vibe from you which is really pissing me off. Do you understand?”
“Loud and clear.”
Jerry’s knife sawed through the silence. He chewed hard and fast.
“I’m sorry,” said April. “I’m sure you’re a good guy. Just turn it down a few notches.”
“I’m really an insecure mess on the edge of a nervous breakdown…there, how’s that?”
“That’s a start.”
“And I really would like to talk with you, nothing more.You know, just a break from all this.”
“It’s not allowed.”
“Whatever.”
“So, now you’re a bad boy on the dark side?”
“Come on…”
April turned the faintest smile.