How did baseball become the chosen metaphor for sex? The different bases for sexual advancement, score, snag, good catch, struck out, switch hitter, playing for both teams.  

Bunch of fully clothed guys standing around, occasionally scratching their balls. Not much contact, tension reduced every half inning, and many games no hit bores.

Why not football? Touchdown, fumble, handoff, interception, end zone, extra point, fair catch, I mean, there’s potential there.

Or basketball? Two on one, fast break, lay up, swish, rim shot, rejected, one-and-done, slam dunk, finger roll, in-n-out, back court violation, downtown, charity stripe, in the zone, up and down. Plenty of possibility.  

Swimming’s too obvious. All those glistening bodies in tight suits sliding through the water, fluid stroke, climactic finish. 

Track, the same.

On the other hand, any sports metaphor is inappropriate. The basic premise of all sports is there’s a winner and a loser. That’s not OK in the bedroom. 

Flipping that thought, what if sports were played with a spirit of win-win? 

Batter steps up to hit. Catcher asks softly, “How do you like it?”

“Slightly outside and around my knees.”

“Coming up.”

“How was that?” asks the catcher.

“Slower.”

Interesting.