This pandemic makes me nauseous.
Is there anything worse? Nausea is to the stomach like a headache is to the brain. And yet, it’s nothing like that. It’s a completely different feeling. I’ll take a headache any day.
The dictionary says, “Nausea is sickness at the stomach, especially when accompanied by a loathing for food and an involuntary impulse to vomit.” From the Greek nausia, naus meaning ship. I get it. The boat goes up; the boat goes down; the boat goes up; the boat goes down. Yeah, I get it. That’s weird though because it mimics the soothing rocking from a mother. Why should rocking make me nauseous?
And what about the nausea I feel before I go out on stage or before I go to the doctor? And the nausea I feel right now?
And what about roller coasters?
Click, click, click, click; climb, climb, climb, climb; up, up, up, up; sloooowly curling over the top, then zhoooom, down the train blasts and there’s that weightless feeling in the stomach and that incipient nausea.
For my 40th birthday, a couple of friends took me to Magic Mountain. They were going to show me how to have fun. I let them talk me into it even though I had avoided roller coasters all my life. I thought loosen up, get a life, find out what you’ve been missing. I think the first ride was Batman. After waiting 45 minutes, I slipped into my seat. The automatic security bar came down. The last thing I remember is a sign saying “Sit Back” as we pulled out of the station. Suddenly, in a blur of speed, the platform spread into bands of color, like a tv special effect, as I hurled forward. With every ounce of effort, I defied untold g-forces as I desperately attempted to sit back, only like a doll to be flung to the left, flung to the right, then turned upside down. I caught the horizon briefly, then just as quickly I was staring at my feet. People screamed, then I realized that was me. As if the Batman monster finally decided to let go, we gently slid back into the boarding dock. Everybody piled out, and my friends wanted to go again. “Are you crazy? I’ll be right here.”
The day continued that way, and by afternoon, I had a doozy of a headache, and yes, tremendous nausea.
As we left, they slapped me on the back like I just passed some initiation. In front of my house, I thanked them for a great time – I lied – casually strolled to the front door, clicked it shut behind me, then bolted to the bathroom and puked my guts out.
This pandemic is like an amusement park ride from hell. Although we didn’t choose to get on, we’re all locked in and can’t get off. With daily chills and thrills, perilous descents, tortured climbs, we have no idea when the ride will ever end.
And I’m nauseous.